release as holding cell
coffee mornings with other mums from school

as holding cell

imagine a secret                         we all have secrets says Laraine who talks

openly about her divorce                         body like an early text
discarded                         Gina is a Christian who believes in love

but someone has to speak up for the babies         imagine
the taste
of twenty-five hand-iced fairy cakes         my vagina as fairy cake

Tinkerbell my mother called it                 hundreds and thousands                 what if
I said it
there is an abortion counter online        tick tick tick         what if

I said I watch it               I’m not asking you to answer       Jesus
don’t you know anything about the rhetorical             what if you         couldn’t
what if you had to                         what if you wanted to         think liberation
think feminism                              I am bleeding into my office chair
soaking occurs post trauma

can you really say you’re intimate with someone if you don’t know
what they look like in the company of death                         back to the fairy cakes
               you wish this was sexier                if you want a ghost

to leave you alone                become as insignificant as a grey stone
jump                   hit your heels against your tail bone            a controlled fall
into a hot bath                      the frog was covered with a white cheesecloth

then put inside my mouth         hold it there         until it dies         they said
                   how will I know

you will feel its heart thumping between your lips         when it stops     you
will know
     you have been cured

I left the clinic
a brick of padding between my legs

                                            I left my body
to the grey stone steps

               became a way in
and a way out

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