Hello. My name is Jeremy Hunt, the elected Politician responsible for the good Running of Britain’s National Health Service. It has come to my attention that Criminals have entered a Number of NHS Hospitals through old Windows. This is a Disgrace and an Outrage. It is the Responsibility of Hospital Managers to make sure that their Windows are sound, secure and absolutely proof against Intruders, as well as Draughts. It is the responsibility of Nurses and Doctors, in the long Hours they must have between dealing with Patients, to carefully note down all cracked, broken or out of date Windows they see, and report them to their Supervisors (not to me, obviously, as I am too busy working to make the NHS fit for the Ranks of exciting developing Nations like Ukraine and India which we are about to join post-Brexit).

I understand a number of slovenly Jobsworths in the NHS have complained that they cannot afford to fix the Windows in their Hospitals, because they do not have enough Money to treat their Patients. I have even heard Hospital Managers say they cannot actually reach the Windows in their Corridors in Winter, when the Weather is at its chilliest, because these same Corridors are blocked by sick old Patients on Trolleys. Might I suggest that if these same Managers took care to fix their Windows in Summer, when Windows may comfortably be left open without Fear of any elderly Person catching a Cold, they would not be troubled by so many Pensioners coughing and sneezing come January?

Money is not the Answer to the Question of broken Windows in Hospitals. If Money were the Answer, I would, of course, have come up with a different Question. The Answer is to shift Resources from unnecessary Parts of a Hospital’s Spending to Front Line Services. As we who would almost certainly have fought in the War know, the Front Line is the only Line actually involved in Fighting Battles, and all other Lines, such as so-called 'Supply Lines', carrying 'Ammunition' and 'Food' to the Troops, are nothing more than a Scam to rip Taxpayers off. Fancy modern high-tech Windows with all their Bells and Whistles, like working Locks and complete Glass, are a luxury Taxpayers cannot afford. Answer me this: if they are forced to fund, through their Taxes, a universal Health Service free at the point of Delivery, how are Hard-working People expected to cope when a serious Family Crisis like Illness comes along?

During the Industrial Revolution, the Factory Owners, Imperial Adventurers and Landlords who made Britain great did not let Details like broken or even missing Windows obstruct their Drive for Enrichment. Hard-working People and the Subjects of our Dominions improvised. I have heard it said that Patches for the Windows used by the NHS are no longer available. Come on! Has nobody in the NHS heard of Cardboard?