Why did Mourinho get the push?
David Runciman
Why did Mourinho get the push? The word is that he lost the dressing-room – too many Chelsea players had clearly grown sick of the sight of him – but there’s something else he’s recently lost as well: his astonishing good looks. Photos in this morning’s papers of Mourinho on the training ground just before his dismissal show a balding, puffy, slightly dishevelled figure. Once agelessly glamorous, he now looks older than his 52 years. When he arrived in English football in 2004 he came trailing not just a reputation for arrogance and achievement but unquestioned sex appeal. He was frankly a lot better looking than any of his players. In such a deeply homoerotic sport, this counts for a lot. The extraordinary hold he had over homely superstars like Frank Lampard and John Terry stemmed in large part from their desire to please their handsome boss: they used to look at him with adoring eyes, just waiting for a hug. Their fondest hope was that some of his stardust would rub off on them. Not any more. Now he looks more like Terry’s grumpy uncle.
I first felt that he might be in trouble over a year ago when a woman I know with only a passing interest in football asked me what was wrong with Mourinho. Nothing, I said (Chelsea were then riding high at the top of the league). ‘But he’s starting to look like a tramp. What’s the point of him now?’ What indeed. Along with his good looks, he used to dress beautifully (footballers care a lot about clothes too). He still sometimes wears the same coats and scarves, but where he once made them look good, they now make him look uncomfortable: just another irritable man in an expensive jacket. The same goes for his attitude. His recent press conferences had been increasingly awkward, because his ugly ill-temper and barbed asides needed a heavy dose of glamour to make them palatable. The hauteur was coming across as straightforward resentment. What was he so cross about? The passing of time.
A glamorous appearance is not the only way for a football manager to command respect. There is also the been-there-done-that school of hard men: mottled pros who can stare anyone down. Alex Ferguson was no oil painting. In many major sports this still seems to be the norm: the enormous, sweaty men barking orders on the sidelines of the NFL are not trading on their good looks to get their way. But the new breed of star football managers – all of them following in Mourinho’s wake – spend a lot of time on how they look. Pochettino, Villas-Boas, Simeone, Guardiola: these are all men who believe that appearances matter. Guardiola has shown that hair loss need not be a barrier in the way of success: you just have to carry it with conviction. Last season the Everton boss Roberto Martínez was clearly troubled by his incipient baldness – subject of much ribald commentary on Match of the Day – and couldn’t decide how to wear what was left of his hair. His players also seemed to lose their way. This season he has gone for a much more confident, sleekly close crop. His team have rediscovered their mojo at the same time.
Louis van Gaal at Manchester United seems like a man who was used to turning heads, but he now resembles an over-coiffured granddad, trading on past glories. His team have that feel to them too. Jurgen Klopp at Liverpool is handsome and has great hair but catch him at the wrong angle and he looks craggy and past it. His players need to decide which version they are playing for. One early rumour suggested that Chelsea were considering the black-suited Simeone as a long-term replacement for Mourinho. A better bet might be Villas-Boas, who was too young and fresh-faced when he came in first time around but has grown into his looks. He is also not shy about dressing up. He recently posed with his entire Zenit St Petersburg team in 19th-century Russian military uniforms. If Chelsea are looking for someone to help Eden Hazard rediscover his inner dandy, Villas-Boas is your man.
Comments
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19 December 2015
at
12:59pm
David Timoney
says:
I notice you didn't mention Pellegrini, who looks like a kindly uncle with a mild zombie infection, or Arsene Wenger, who has had a long Hulot-like struggle with his zip. Perhaps they're past caring, or perhaps their players see an inner beauty not apparent to us superficial fans.
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19 December 2015
at
2:42pm
Thomas Baden Riess
says:
Excellent post. Mark Twain's remark that 'anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel..' comes to mind. Even in his first spell at Chelsea, you could see Mourinho's looks going down the toilet. He seems to have a compulsion to exhaust himself equally in both hard work and spats
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20 December 2015
at
11:32am
Locus
says:
Jogi Löw surely worth some mention: he pioneered the sideline mod-casual look ten years ago, all tight white dress shirts and cashmere sweaters. But then ruined the look by repeatedly picking his nose on camera.
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21 December 2015
at
1:01am
Niall Anderson
says:
Isn't the issue more likely to be that Mourinho's father has been gravely ill in hospital for most of the past year? If you've ever tried organising your life and your job around trips to ICU, you'll understand why the guy maybe didn't feel like shaving every day.
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27 December 2015
at
12:25pm
ejh
says:
Haircut gags? What is this, 1985?
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5 January 2016
at
5:06pm
bergholtbrown
says:
Sexist.
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5 January 2016
at
5:08pm
Simply_simon
says:
London Review of Books. Review of football managers' haircuts. Connection? No, I don't get it either.
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5 January 2016
at
5:10pm
crawfordberlin
says:
Reminds me of a possibly apocryphal story about the 1970s Scottish forward Joe Jordan. After a particularly rough tackle that floored an English opponent, his counterpart looked up and said `Joe, you're nothing but a big ugly Scottish bastard.' `Aye,' Jordan replied, `and don't you forget it.'
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5 January 2016
at
5:24pm
Heinzel
says:
Klopp famously got himself a hair transplant in 2013: does that support or refute your theory?
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5 January 2016
at
8:12pm
Blackorpheus7
says:
Whoa! This is way too gay for a US sports fan. I'm guessing you never got over being caned in public school. Well, get over it, man!
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6 January 2016
at
11:46am
Dominic Rice
says:
@
Blackorpheus7
Hey man, that remark's not very 2016. Are you trying get yourself put in front of a firing squad??!
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6 January 2016
at
8:46pm
Blackorpheus7
says:
@
Dominic Rice
My bad. Here's a PC revision:
Read moreMourinho was devilishly handsome, but then got tangled up in British cuisine and became ugly by degree.
Football is primarily an exhibition for homoeroticism.
How am I doing, so far, D. Rice?