Headaches

Fiona Pitt-Kethley

Men are the ones that have the headaches now.
Back in my mother’s day, when girls said no
most of the time, they were all after it –
or so they said – in pain with their erections.
But now we call their bluff by answering yes,
the truth is out – they want it less than us.

Most of my female friends are on the pill,
willing, good-looking too. What do we get?
Men who can’t quite make up their tiny minds.
The bastards are all Marvell’s-mistress-coy,
perhaps insane, certainly undersexed.
What can the problem be? Are they afraid
of pregnancy or rape? Or is it just
that men fear sex is like a driving test
where they must get every bit right or fail?

Two men fell laughing through our chemist’s door.
One said he’d like some pills, something to give
his friend. ‘What’s wrong?’ the chemist asked the man.
‘He hasn’t had a girl at all for weeks.’
‘That’s normal, sir!’ Too right it is, I thought.