Before the final yesterday I was puzzled as to why Jennifer Hudson was singing the US national anthem: did they think we might have forgotten where the match was being held? As if in a fever dream I saw Robbie Williams, Tom Cruise, Donald Trump’s favourite ring announcer Michael Buffer (‘let’s get ready to rumble’) and, like something from the TK Maxx Gold Label range, a Louis Vuitton trophy box. No one scored in the first half. The half-time show – don’t forget this is America – looked like a long advert for Coca Cola, culminating in children singing with Coldplay and a gigantic carpet displaying the word ‘love’. Meanwhile the US war on Iran intensified.

