Flossing

Andrew O’Hagan

• Poems to Last a Lifetime edited by Daisy Goodwin
  HarperCollins, 308 pp, £18.99, October 2004, ISBN 0 00 717707 0
• All the Poems You Need to Say I Do edited by Peter Forbes
  Picador, 197 pp, £10.00, October 2004, ISBN 0 330 43388 1

People have been asking for books to help them since the invention of printing. Before printing, actually, in the days of scrolls and tablets: what is the Bible if not a self-help manual? William Caxton got in on the act early enough with The Game and Play of Chess Moralised (1474), a book which aimed to make people better than they used to be, not by bringing their souls nearer to God, but by bringing their pawns closer to the king, which many readers accepted would do for the time being. In what my headmaster used to call the interim period, self-help books have taken over the world, which is fast becoming a place where no one is safe from the threat of their own improvement. Nineteenth-century must-haves – How to Be Happy though Married (1887) and How to Be Pretty though Plain (1899) – have recently been, well, improved on, with the publication of such instant classics as How to Become a Schizophrenic by John Modrow (1992) and How to Shit in the Woods by Kathleen Meyer (1989).¹