And Sand and Sand and Sand

Ella Frears

For W.

I have this friend who’s into sand / not like the beach / like sand you might use in construction / the economics of sand / buying and selling sand / not that he buys or sells / but he enjoys / for example / that there is a black market for sand / this friend is a writer / he writes these novels in which the characters are obsessed with sand / buried in sand / crack a tooth on some sand stuck to a sandwich / when he describes the act of eating sand / he describes it so vividly / I know he’s done it / I don’t even need to ask / he likes to eat things / he’s a good cook / he also ate a lover’s hair / once / it’s not like he’s got a sand fetish / although scrutinise anything long enough / it might as well be your kink / there’s porn for everyone now / I’m sure there’s sand porn / I’m going to google sand porn / an hour has passed and it’s just sand-coloured bodies / on a beach / and I don’t feel any different / and yet I am changed / walking through the city / with this friend who used to love cities / but now loves sand / I wonder if there is anything left / to be interested in / get off my sand / he’ll say when he reads this / but this isn’t about sand / it’s about those times / I’ve fallen asleep at parties / and woken to him / high as the great dune of Pilat / his eyes like gaping coal pits / which doesn’t fit the theme / but boy are those eyes black / kneeling over me / saying / don’t sleep / don’t sleep yet / and although the sofa is deep / and my limbs are deadweights in the shallow end of the pool / I do get up / and I’m glad to watch us / from my vantage point / somewhere between the present / and my mind’s eye / two misshapen grains / buffeted / angular / dancing as the sun cuts across the window / in a building / twenty miles wide / twenty miles high / stretching further than our tiny human eyes can see