I was the head of the Piers Gaveston Society, which is the society that David Cameron allegedly stuck his dick in a pig for. I never did that. According to Lord Ashcroft’s unofficial biography of the prime minister, Cameron did what he did as part of an initiation ritual, but the society in my day (late 2000s) didn’t have initiation rituals because it wasn’t a proper society.[*] Unlike the Bullingdon Club, we didn’t get up in ridiculous costumes and vandalise restaurants. All we did was organise the kind of party that people put their dicks in pigs at. If Porkergate happened at all, it was almost certainly at a party and not at dinner and people were almost certainly doing more shocking things at it than fucking pigs’ heads.
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[*] Call Me Dave: The Unauthorised Biography of David Cameron by Michael Aschcroft and Isabel Oakeshott (Biteback, 608 pp., £20, October, 978 1 8495 4914 1).