« | Home | »

Eat Your Savings


I misread the headline of Faisal Islam’s blog on the Channel 4 News website. I though it said that the new deputy governor of the Bank of England told him that Britain’s savers should now ‘eat their reserve cash’. The fact that he’s called Charlie – or Mr – Bean didn’t help. But no, what he actually said was that people should be eating into their savings. It’s the point of the Bank of England policy of keeping interest rates low, he said: an intended penalty, not, as the idiotically virtuous saver had supposed, an alarming side effect. How right I was to sneer at my parents’ generation when they told me that I should save for my old age. It won’t be like that then, I said. And here it is, not like that at all.

All those goody-goody youngsters who listened to their mums and dads and dutifully put away money instead of buying 45s and Mary Quant make-up, so that they could have some income when they retired, are now being told to spend it – by the Bank of England, no less. That’s what’s going to sort out the mess they and the banks got us into. So if you have a nest egg or a bit of capital, start spending it. It’s your patriotic duty. But isn’t this quite an inefficient plan?Why not simply legislate to nationalise all individual savings accounts? While they’re at it, they should probably require Big Issue sellers to donate their takings to Rupert Murdoch.

What I’m not sure about, and would like advice on, is how best to spend for the country. Should I for example be shopping expensively at Net-A-Porter and Liberty for my knickers and frocks? Or should I instead buy lots and lots more from M&S and Primark? How many TVs and cars should I buy?  If there’s a concern about hoarding, which old people are inclined to do in any case, it won’t matter because we won’t be able to afford a living space to hoard things in. And what about that? Once I’ve supported the economy with the money I had supposed would come in handy when I had to pay for my old age care home, and run out, I’ll be among the millions of homeless and hungry bag ladies and gentlemen, demented, incontinent, but having done our bit for England, roaming the streets. Since the coalition is already starting to dismantle social welfare, I presume plans are in hand to build the workhouses we are going to need. A boost for the construction industry there. Or is there a less-liberal-than-we-thought subtext to the easing of the DPP’s attitude to mercy killing?

Comments on “Eat Your Savings”

  1. alex says:

    Why not get yourself one of those big 4×4 vehicles? They cost a packet, use up loads of fuel, and there is the chance of running over a few elderly people as well.

  2. Thomas Jones says:

    Or blow it all on a hip replacement once the cap on private income for hospitals is removed and NHS waiting lists stretch beyond the grave.

  3. Joe Morison says:

    Lay in a stock of super strength lagers so that at least when you’re on the street you’ll have something to keep you warm.

  4. A.J.P. Crown says:

    I always liked “Eat the rich” as graffiti, it’s so perfectly balanced: a frightening prospect if you are rich and a revolting one if you’re not.

  5. pinhut says:

    Blow it all on a chin implant for Ed Miliband, you’d be doing everybody who has to look at him for the next five years a massive favour.

  6. loxhore says:

    I had a sustained ~£400 splurge on Amazon this summer and halfseriously justified it to myself as economic stimulus.

    Leider, some of it was savings, but most of it was dole.

  7. Sarkis Shmavonian says:

    We ought all of us to chuck the bourgeois nonsense and live off our minds. How stands the garret supply in England? We can either follow the Koestler route and exploit the less leery or take our salad mix of high education, culture, intelligence, and manners off to play with each other elsewhere. Public life, there in England or here in the States, is only going to get seamier, because *all* politicians these days are bound to reconfigure an essentially fiscal crisis in social and economic terms so they can point the bony finger of blame. Rather, follow the money; then throw in a seven-second limit to public memory spans before the next paid-for barrage hits, and you have pretty nearly the current stage of breakdown. (One’s younger friends will have to help out with the dodgy hips and balance the hardbound volume of Roland Barthes’ essays on our frail chests as well.)

  8. Geoff Roberts says:

    Trying to cling on to some sort of reality in the time of financial disasters, I’ve come to conclusion that we can’t beat the bankers, so we should try and join them. My ‘bank consultant’ – they don’t try and do anything as crass as sell you something – has sent me three fifty-page books explaining that the bank has done absolutely everything to inform me, that losses are just as common as gains and that I must read ALL of the material she has supplied if I want to avoid unpleasant surprises. It makes me feel as if the bank is doing me a favour by taking on my money at all. I should be grateful etc. … The bank made a 25% profit last quarter.

Comment on this post

Log in or register to post a comment.

  • Recent Posts

    RSS – posts

  • Contributors

  • Recent Comments

    • andymartinink on Reacher v. Parker: Slayground definitely next on my agenda. But to be fair to Lee Child, as per the Forbes analysis, there is clearly a massive collective reader-writer ...
    • Robert Hanks on Reacher v. Parker: And in Breakout, Parker, in prison, teams up with a black guy to escape; another white con dislikes it but accepts the necessity; Parker is absolutely...
    • Robert Hanks on Reacher v. Parker: Parker may not have the integrity and honesty of Marlowe, but I'd argue that Richard Stark writes with far more of both than Raymond Chandler does: Ch...
    • Christopher Tayler on Reacher v. Parker: Good to see someone holding up standards. The explanation is that I had thoughts - or words - left over from writing about Lee Child. (For Chandler se...
    • Geoff Roberts on Reacher v. Parker: ..."praised in the London Review of Books" Just read the article on Lee Child in a certain literary review and was surprised to find this rave notice...

    RSS – comments

  • Contact

  • Blog Archive

  • From the LRB Archive

    Chris Lehmann: The Candidates
    18 June 2015

    ‘Every one of the Republican candidates can be described as a full-blown adult failure. These are people who, in most cases, have been granted virtually every imaginable advantage on the road to success, and managed nevertheless to foul things up along the way.’

    Hugh Pennington:
    The Problem with Biodiversity
    10 May 2007

    ‘As a medical microbiologist, for example, I have spent my career fighting biodiversity: my ultimate aim has been to cause the extinction of harmful microbes, an objective shared by veterinary and plant pathologists. But despite more than a hundred years of concentrated effort, supported by solid science, smallpox has been the only success.’

    Jeremy Harding: At the Mexican Border
    20 October 2011

    ‘The battle against illegal migration is a domestic version of America’s interventions overseas, with many of the same trappings: big manpower commitments, militarisation, pursuit, detection, rendition, loss of life. The Mexican border was already the focus of attention before 9/11; it is now a fixation that shows no signs of abating.’

    James Meek: When the Floods Came
    31 July 2008

    ‘Last July, a few days after the floods arrived, with 350,000 people still cut off from the first necessity of life, Severn Trent held its annual general meeting. It announced profits of £325 million, and confirmed a dividend for shareholders of £143 million. Not long afterwards the company, with the consent of the water regulator Ofwat, announced that it wouldn’t be compensating customers: all would be charged as if they had had running water, even when they hadn’t.’

Advertisement Advertisement